When I have loneliness,I can find out my problem.
Ordinally finding out my problem is uncomfortable.
Sometime we are injured.
But it's comfortable rather than uncomfortable while I have a loneliness.
Because it is like a analyse myself.
I have ever been alone since I came to Philippines but I could not notice about it.
Recentry I keep considering myself, especially when I smoke a cigarette.
First time I analysed about being lonly.
In many cases, loneliness is tend to be regarded wrong.
( Honestly I hated a loneliness before.)
But when I am seized to a relationship, I become busy.
I am warry about theiy emotion,topic,schedule,party and something else..
It's bothering for me.
Many people want to make a lot of friends because they don't want to feel lonely.
They makes friends to make friends.
They do not want to be alone, so they make friends.
Isn't anything wrong? Is it enjoyable?
It's mistake but I did before.
When I had a loneliness, I could understand this simple answer.
Having a loneliness is luxurious because I can talk with myself.
Taking with myself makes my life rich because we can find out our problem.
Today I noticed my big problem.
I did not come to terms with my past. I was injured by my past.
I misunderstood that I could recover my bruise.
But my bruise is not cared yet, I pretended not to see my past.
If I do not dome to terms with my past, I will not be able to solve my problems.
Now I already noticed two problems.
The first problem is that I perform in front of the others.
Another problem is that I could not be bravely.
First I explain about the first problem.
Always I have many characters.(Be funny, Be timid, Be irritable etc)
I choose them by each situation and I am always scared that the others see through my performing.
I want to be honestly. I particular hate that when I am frivolous.
He(me) laughs exaggeratedly.He performes exaggeratedly.
All his actions are exaggeratedly.It's frivolous.
Be honestly, be plain. I do not have to perform. I do not have to protect myself.
Next I consider about another problem.
I could not be honestly since I was young.
One time, I stole a money from my mother's purse to buy a hobby when I was a elementary school student fourth glade.
Why didn't I ask her " Please borrow(or give) a money?"
I could do but I didn't do.
I could not ask for the others because I was scared to be refused.
So I always do something as if I hide, if I did a good things.
When I was high school student, I was enthusiastic about a Japanese drum.
It was enjoyable for me.Why was it enjoyable?
Maybe I did not have to talk. I needed only to perform a Japanese drum.
I could not express myself well. So I could not ask for the others.
I needed a courage. I could not trust the others and now I can not.
So I am indifferently or depend on the others.
My relationship is an extreme.
When I have my loneliness, I could notice these problems.
If I am always with my acquaintance, I will not be able to understand them.
My life is like a experiment, so I try to do my idea.
If I am injured, I do not care about it.
I set up a hypothesis and just do it.
Now my hypothesis is "Loneliness makes me happy."
Just do it! ( I love Nike.)